We often talk about fantasy celebrity spankers, and somehow, more often than not, they turn out to be actors. That’s quite understandable: we see them a lot.
Yesterday I chilled out with an audiobook on my iPod, “The Waste Lands” by Stephen King, read by the author. And I found myself thinking: ooh boy, wouldn’t it be nice to get a spanking from him… He has some incerdibly hot spanking and semi-spanking episodes in his books, and I bet he could create a real feeling of dread were we to play a scene.
This made me think. I spend much more time in the company of my favourite writers (or anyway, their books) than I do watching any actor, and yet I had never before pictured one of them as a fantasy spanker.
So, Stephen King is the spanker for me. Who else? I’d have to say, Neil Gaiman. He’s not one of my favourite writers, but on a shallow physical level… well, he’s hot.
I have considered and discounted Kazuo Ishiguro (he pretends that he doesn’t write science fiction, and therefore we have irrevocable ideological differences; damn shame, ’cause he’s also hot), Terry Pratchett (hot, yes, but you could never be sure whether he’s taking a mickey out of you) and Ian McEwan (although he has a suitably sick mind, I just don’t know what he looks or sounds like).
I’m sure I’ll come up with more candidates upon reflection.
How about you? Which writers would you like to spank or be spanked by? (They don’t have to be alive.)
Mmm – Neil Gaiman spanking me would be cool. But he doesn’t strike me (so to speak) as a spanker at all…
Warren Ellis on the other hand. Goddamn, he could spank me anytime. Beating me with his cane would also be an option. Especially if he’s calling me his ‘filthy assistant’ at the time
xx Dee
I noticed the other day that Sophie Dahl has a book out. Given the amount of inspiration that her grandfather Roald provided for me via his numerous caning references, it would only seem right to nominate her as my choice of the “writer I’d most like to spank”.
Unless, that is, Niki Flynn – who wrote the fascinating “Dances with Werewolves”, a must-read for all spankos – happened to be around. But I suspect she might enjoy the spanking too much!
Mmm…Jacqueline Carey, author of the “Kushiel” series. Anyone who writes scenes like that HAS to have firsthand experience! And she’s quite pretty too.
Anne Rice, with a proviso of it being her 25 years ago, me now! Have read “Interview with a Vampire”, was fascinating. There is something else I have of hers, the Beauty trilogy; I would fancy a few hours with someone who could dream up such gorgeous BDSM erotica (ok, I know its filth) as that.
I was going to mention Roald Dahl as well, and Patrick Marber (he’s a playwrite, does he still count?) Who wrote Closer and After Miss Julie and Dealer’s Choice. He’s amazing and really quite sexy. Oh and I think Haron mentioned Ian McEwan who has a light spanking refernce in Atonement, which sadly didn’t make it into the film.
Martin Amis was very attractive when he was younger…and he’s still cranky and intelligent, nice features in a spanker.
Yes, Anne Rampling. I enjoyed the spanking scenes in East of Eden.
I must look up the Kushiel series.
Can I change my answer? I just remembered, Gordon Ramsay has written a book, so he also counts as an author as well as a chef. That is my ultimate fantasy, to be spanked by him. Those footballer thighs!!
Oh, yes, what other Stephen kings books are spanking-esque? I have read most of them, my husband has read them all, but never noticed that quality about them.
Evie’s mention of ‘Closer’ in particular made me smile. I remember seeing this on the West End stage; the row in front was full of grannies on a day trip from Lancashire. Suffice it to say that the cyber-sex scene caused outrage amongst the blue-rinse brigade.
But why do girls go for Gordon Ramsay? Isn’t Raymond Blanc – sophisticated, brilliant, headmasterial – a far hotter prospect? There are some things about women that I will never understand…
A man who can cook and spank,what a fabulous combination!
Raymond is far too sweet,a real pussy cat.I can see the appeal of Gordon,a very powerful and authoritative man. But when it comes to spanking chefs, it just has to be the scariest daddy of them all, Marco Pierre White!
Abel you saw Closer?? I have never been more jelous in my life! I was only about nine when it was on stage.
Oh and Marco Pierre White? Yes please…
*rolls eyes* Counting chefs as writers is cheating, people. Honestly… 😉
In Canada we don’t get the TV programs that Raymond Blanc and Marco Pierre White are on (yet). The only other one that comes to mind is Jamie Oliver, and I don’t fancy being spanked by him, naked chef or not!
Nigella Lawson is very spankable though. And cookbooks DO count as writing.
ROFL Evie, you do know how to make me feel old!
Ooooo, Hermione: Nigella….