Indiana’s behaviour really is a disgrace. Here am I, with all of this work to do, and instead she’s causing me to write about spanking. (Hi, Indy! Thanks for the diversion, and for agreeing to let me share our little exchange here on the blog!).
See, she…
attended a wedding over the weekend and noticed about halfway through that two of the groomsmen were chewing gum. My natural reaction was one of mild disapproval, and then I had to laugh at my almost Abel-like response.
There was better news, though: “After all… none of the bridesmaids were chewing gum during the wedding ceremony.”
Ah, but why would that be? See, before the wedding ceremony, it’d been rather different. The bridesmaids had arrived early, and were larking around in the church; the vicar had noticed them chewing gum. He’d be predictably outraged: “Remove it, or leave the church.”
They would – but ten minutes later, he’d have noticed one of the girls chewing again. He’d have called her into the vestry: “I am not prepared to have girls in my church behaving disrespectfully and disobediently,” he’d lecture, as he took down the leather strap that hung behind the door.
It would be her choice: she could leave, or stay in the church but accept the consequences. She’d choose the latter, struggling with trembling fingers to lift her dress and remove her knickers, before bending over the end of the table, as he instructed, for six hard strokes.
See, Indy, it was no wonder the bridesmaids weren’t chewing gum during the service – but if you’d looked closely, you’d have seen that one of them was slightly tear-stained, and standing in some discomfort! (And I hope the bride and groom had the loveliest of days).
OK, I admit it: I’m responsible for 0.00001 percent of the time Abel has spent thinking about spanking in 2009.
Your maths is hopeless. I reckon it’s nearer 2% !!
12.5 days gone so far in 2009. Say 17 hours a day awake. Say 3 hours a day of that thinking about spanking, makes 37.5 hours. Say 45 minutes swapping notes on this and writing / posting the blog entry.
Spot the person who did maths at Uni. Sad, aren’t I? (Don’t comment!)
Very sad indeed, yes
That punishment was justly deserved. We can’t have gum-chewing during the sacrament of marriage. And where would the used gum end up? Stuck to the underside of a pew? Inside an organ pipe? Under the font?
I only wish they dealt with grocery store cashiers the same way. The one who served me last week was chewing gum, and I immediately assumed she would be incompetent. She was!! I complained to management.
Hugs,
Hermione
“Indiana’s behaviour really is a disgrace. ” I am not the only one to notice then…..
One thing Indy, for all that you disapproved, how tempted were you to take some gum, when you let the thoughts of the possible “consequences” run through your mind?!
Abel, the fact that you even *thought* about doing that calculation worries me an awful lot.
And Indy, I think you need some sort of therapy to stop those “Abel-like responses”!
Actually, giving the bridesmaids a good strapping sounds like a capital idea! At my wedding, two of my bridesmaids could have used a good 12 of the best, really, and I think I personally would have enjoyed lashing them out, although my Groom probably would have insisted that nothing should distract me while I was getting dressed, and that he would be a gentleman and deal with it for me…! 😉
If I ever get married I’m so having the bridesmaids be spanked in the church. Okay, no, I’m not religious, so perhaps not in a church. But they’re so getting spanked! I don’t want to ever get married but if I somehow end up changing my mind, I so want a kinky wedding. Screw the family, it’s *my* big day. Hehe!
Hold on, wasn’t Smudge going to be one of my bridesmaids? Perhaps she’d like to switch to maid of honour then?
Abel: I’m supposed to believe that you only think about spanking 3 hours a day!? Still, I suppose that won’t make up much of the 200,000-fold difference in our calculations. I’m sure the rest of your readers found that my estimate captures a more pure truth than a mundane calculation could ever hope to.
Hermione: I was just glad none of the gum-chewers took communion…
Gerrard, honestly, not at all. These were people from work! (Not the gum chewers, though).
Eliane, thanks for your concern. I was a bit worried myself.
Irelynn, how can Smudge be your bride and your maid of honour at the same time? Will she get two spankings, then?
First and formost: Abel did Maths at Uni? Oh you’ve gone wa-a-a-ay down in my estimation!
Secondly, gum in Church is not cool because there is nothing worse than finding it stuck under a pew during a Chapel service. (No prizes for spotting the Catholic school girl.)
I have always believed that after a bride says ‘I do’, the groom should bend the bride over the altar, raise her weddiing dress waist high, take down her knickers down to her ankles, and upon the brides bare tender bottom, say ‘I do’ with giving her ‘six of the best’ with a swishy cane. To remind his beloved new wife, that he is the boss in the new family.