So, how long does a caning last? My mathematical background (sadly, I did a degree in the subject) has been teasing me lately with trying to work out the optimal time for a punishment, from the moment the girl enters the room. I think I have the formula:
t = l + p + sg + c
where
t = the total time elapsed from start to finish
l = the time spent lecturing her about her misdemeanours – including discussing the offence, hearing any mitigating factors or pleas, scolding, passing sentence
p = preparation time, as the girl adjusts her clothing as required, adopts the required position, and (if applicable) is tied into place
s = the number of strokes awarded
g = the gap between the strokes – a time interval that can vary from, perhaps, less than one second to twenty or more
c = the conclusion, as the girl returns unsteadily to her feet, straightens her clothes, completes any paperwork and receives any final admonishments before being dismissed.
Of course, it’s something of a simplification – I wouldn’t want to bamboozle you with my sophistication of my mathematical brilliance, after all. (There’s the small matter of ‘a’, for example – something inevitable in so many spanking situations. Yep, the additional time during a scene for pauses, for further discussion of her offence, a girl to resume her position after leaping to her feet clutching her bottom). But it does pose some interesting questions. For example, I could envisage the following exam question:
A housemaster has 30 minutes between finishing his lunch and the start of afternoon lessons. During this time, he would like to take 10 minutes for coffee, mints and a cigar in the staff common room. He needs a 2 minute conversation with his head of house, and 3 minutes to gather his papers for the next lesson. Two other girls need two minutes each to be congratulated on their latest school report card.
He punishes any miscreant with six of the best, and likes to allow an average of 15 seconds between strokes. There are three girls waiting in line outside his office to receive corporal punishment. How long can he spend with each in total on lecturing her, allowing her to prepare for her punishment and on concluding matters before dismissing her?
See, it must be tough being a teacher, juggling this sort of mental arithmetic every day. And you were feeling sorry for the girls being punished…
You are quite right, far too much mental arithmetic for the poor teachers…perhaps this is why they often seem a little brain dead? Overthinking burnout!
I reckon there is about 2 mins per girl with a little over a minute spare for any ‘a’ needed, but not altogether sure mental maths is my forte
So he’s got eleven minuets to split between the three girls, each caning takes 90 seconds,if you include a 15 second break before each stroke, including before the first one.
Each girl gets one third of the allotted 11 minuets (which is a really annoying number to add up so makes me think it’s wrong) So each girl has 3.6 of 11 minutes. So about 3 mins and six seconds? Th caning takes 90 seconds,so once that’s done you’re left with just over a minuet and a half for the rest of it?
That’s probably wrong but was a great displacement activity instead of doing laundry.
Poor, busy man! God job his shoes are already shined, desk tidied, nails manicured and eyebrows arched in preparation for the day’s beatings.
Your fantasy is definitely worth some field testing. However, I think the soundness of your equation might be improved by adding in stroke-duration: ‘d’. If your stroke lasted ‘d’ seconds from start of travel before coming to rest in her cheeks, the interval between impacts is g (gap between strokes) + d, and your equation becomes t = l + p + s(d + g) + c.
But don’t you like the idea of all the variables other than ‘s’ and ‘d’ having constant values? If the master wants to savor his mint, coffee and cigar time (and those new ones with a little more residual moisture in their leaves ones do burn slowly), the only interval he is able to reduce is ‘d’, and, assuming the cane’s weight and arc of travel remain the same, that means more speed and thus more energy imparted at the point of the cane’s collision with the poor girl’s cheeks. And we all know what that means.
“You see Hartley, like you, the sticker on the new cigar box was troublesome, so I’ve only got 6/100ths of a second to complete each stroke (‘d’) today instead of the customary 8/100ths.” He notes her apparent relief. “After supper tomorrow, we’ll go over your written explanation of your understanding of the laws of motion and energy as to why you appear so relieved. Bend!)”
R
As to how long a corporal punishment should last, depends on the seriouness of the naughty lady’s misdemeanor. If its a serious one, it might extend to a whole day. A light one, a few hours. It should be devided, between confrontation of the naughty lady. The humiliation she must suffer before her actual spanking. The spanking itself. And the apres of said punishment. This for example if its serious, a verbal repremand. Her humiliation of standing in the corner, with her skirts up but knickers on. The actual spanking, either with a birchrod or cane. Then humiliation of once more standing in corner, this time with knickers down, displaying her cane marks. Further humiliation can be implied, by having witnessess, observe her corporal punishment.
The element sg in the formula should actually be g(s-1), since the time after the final stroke, when the girl knows she’s not going to get any more, should logically be added to c . I think Abel should be awarded six of the best for making such an elementary error, which he will doubtless nominate Haron to receive on his behalf (it’ll make it more interesting for me if I’m the master, and I don’t suppose Haron will mind…!)
Ernest
Lol great comments – entertaining me hugely while I wait for my plane to decide it wants to leave!
Ernest – congrats on spotting the deliberate simplification. (Honestly, it was actually deliberate)!
Abel, I think there is a least one mistake in your formula: To my mind it must be (s-1)*g, for example 30 strokes mean 29 gaps between them. I got that you left out a = all the additional time for further scolding and so on. But from my point of view the time for each stroke s*w (number of strokes multiplied with the time each whack takes) should be added to your formula because this isn’t an additional part but a necessary part of the procedure. So, you finally get:
t = l + p + (s-1)*g + s*w + c + a
Sorry, couldn’t resist… Well, now you know at least how poor Ludwig suffers every day with me as his mate. 😉
Oops, Ernest, you’ve been faster than me! I was still writing my comment and didn’t notice yours until after I had published mine… Sorry, didn’t want to repeat something that had already been pointed out by someone else!
This is just sick.
Hmm, Graham, damn it, I always knew that there must be some reason for the fact that I’ve never had any friends – I love Abel’s idea and formulas in general! Do you think there is a cure? 😉
Sixofthebest – if this was your answer to the set exam question I’m afraid you failed the exam by completely ignoring the actual question, there were only 30 available minutes, not the hours or full day you suggest. Dear me, must try harder.
@Kaelah – I’m afraid there is no cure for that sort of perversion! ; )
@ Graham:
Does that mean I don’t have to change my behaviour and can pretend that it is all genetic? Yippee! I’m off to dance 3.14159 times around my Pi Shrine… 😉
Okay, so I know it’s passé, but since nobody’s mentioned it yet, I wanted to point out that the housemaster would have the entire 30 minutes if he just let the girls off, then he’d have time to knock a few back, preen in front of the mirror, trim some nose hair etc., before class as well. I mean, the earth wouldn’t stop or anything. Probably…
@ Kaelah, Ernest (s-1) of course duh! But the definition of the gap g still needs tightening as I mentioned above.
Now thinking about the all important duration of the stroke, how do you estimate the cane’s rate of accelleration, its impact velocity and rate of decelleration after it impinges the girls cheeks? I looked at some tennis sites and think that 80mph/130kph is an arguable contact speed.
Any ideas?
Kaelah – No problem, just delighted to know our minds work the same way … about something else!
Redhead – the formulae start to get complicated, now. I suspect that the ones who put a real swing into it might be 80-90 mph, but most of us more moderate performers are what – about 50mph?
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Shouldn’t “a” be a function of s & t, where an increase in s increases both the probability and duration of a and hence g?
Loved all of this debate:
@anonymous – yes, of course, absolutely. (Pretends I can understand what you just wrote, but it sounds impressive!)