A dear friend sent me a link yesterday to a Guardian advice column, which responded to a reader asking:
I like inflicting pain on my partner during our BDSM sessions, much to my surprise and shock. Is this anything to worry about?
The advice given in response seemed perfectly reasonable; what worried both the friend and me was the tone of some of the comments, which were virulently anti-kink. In fairness to the Guardian, they did a decent job of removing the more offensive contributions, but it was a stark illustration of the lack of tolerance we face for our interests and preferences, even in the post-“50 Shades” era when bondage has apparently become mainstream.
Some of the comments were great, though: well worth a read if you have time. This one, from a contributor called Leaping2, especially resonated with me:
I am never more deeply involved, more deeply in love, more deeply engaged with my partner than when we use pain during our love making.
She compared kink to sex, noting: “if anything it is even more intimate, more giving, more loving. The exchange of power, the sharing of that moment is something quite magical, something I have never experienced through ‘vanilla’ sex.”
This view of kink as being so deeply trustworthy, so deeply intimate: yes, I get that completely. It’s why, for me, it is so important in a relationship (LOL along with sex too). So eloquently put, amidst the hysteria of some of the other contributions.
It was good to see so many people on there speaking so eloquently about their kink and how far the reality is from abuse. A ray of light in the mass of depressing kinky-people-are-dangerous/disturbed/etc comments x