Exclusive

Sex is important to me.

I love a girl to take pleasure, to submit to pleasure, to simply submit, to be made to submit. Sex can be dark, abusive; caring, connecting; simply damned hot.

I enjoy it; it’s important too (being frank) to my fairly fragile self-esteem to feel attractive and desired. And sex with multiple partners and friends has long formed part of my relationships – being ‘open’, even if not of late ‘poly’.

Yet, over the past eighteen months or so, my kinky encounters with anyone other than my girlfriend have no longer involved sex. Not for lack of opportunity: I’ve simply preferred to save the most intimate activity for the person I love.

My choice; no pressure. And actually, now, that lately-emerging way to sex is something that I’ve decided to commit to more formally. I like that, in the most intimate way, she has my absolute priority – that I’m hers and hers alone. And, importantly, I certainly don’t want any risk of hurting her as a result of any other encounters I might have.

I’m entirely at ease with my play involving a girl being touched – activity that might be deemed as ‘sexual’, without actual sex. That still leaves an awful lot of potential for fun: in the right circumstances, to either humiliate or satisfy a girl. (In fact, it perhaps calls for much more creativity if there is, ahem, no male nudity involved). Meanwhile, spanking others is still very much something that I am, of course, entirely comfortable with doing!

And doing whatever appeals when we’re both in role at events, or on other naughty evenings together with friends, is still something that is very much, by agreement, on our shared agenda. That feels very different to me, being for our mutual enjoyment of the situation. And I don’t in any case want to impose my preferences on my partner: her own choices in this regard are, and have to be, her choices.

So, monogamy for me? Not quite. But at this stage of my life and henceforth, being sexually exclusive when apart from the person I love feels like entirely the right thing for me, and I’m glad to have taken the choice.

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December 2013: a quick update to this post. EJ and I have been discussing this more, after I’d initially raised the topic back in September. We’ve reached the conclusion that I don’t need to be exclusive sexually with her to demonstrate my commitment: she and I both know that she has it. And she has confirmed that she is entirely comfortable with me having sex with other people. And if we are playing with others at events we’re both attending, is it really sensible to create an arbitrary line if we happen to be with the same people but at events where she and I aren’t both present? So I’m leaving the post here, but more for the record. We’re back to being ‘open’  – albeit certainly not ‘poly’.