One doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I’ve just heard the most spankable comment from the seat behind me on the train. Thanks to the joys of wireless on-board internet connections, I can report it directly to you.

A youngish lass, pretty, smartly dressed, joined at the last station; a sixth-former, if I’m guessing her age correctly. She was chatting on the phone to her dad, and sounding unusually keen to finish the conversation. Opposite her, a small boy with his family accidentally knocked a glass of milk over the table. Cue much commotion.

“It’s nothing, dad,” cute student mutters. “Just the people next to me in the coffee shop.”

‘Coffee shop’? Right. That would be the 130 miles per hour type of coffee shop that comes with a locomotive at the front and runs along tracks.

So, dear readers, who’s she going to see? What furtive liaisons are planned for her afternoon? And what would daddy do on her return home were he to find out where she’d really been for the day?

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