It’s a common feature with the spanko people I know, that as soon as we get our hands on a dictionary, or a translating tool, or any container of knowledge, we look up spanking in it straight away. I do it without thinking, sometimes even before I look for whatever it was I picked up the dictionary to look for in the first place.

Unsurprisingly, when Abel showed me Google Translating Tool, I immediately made it talk to me about spanking.

What I did was type in a phrase, translate it from English into French, from French into German, and from German back into English. What I got was the following:

If I brought house a bad school report, my uncle made the being located in the corner for me and thinks of my behavior. After the fact that he mean took skirt put up, downward my knee trousers, and fessée hard over its knee gave me. My reason was real endolori for the remainder of the daily.

The original phrase? Why, nothing too sophisticated:

When I brought home a bad school report, my Uncle made me stand in the corner and think about my behaviour. After that he raised my skirt, took down my panties, and gave me a hard spanking over his knee. My bottom was really sore for the rest of the day.

Alright, I thought, maybe a whole paragraph is too much to ask; let me try something simple and to the point. Through the same simple process (English => French => German => English) I got this:

Do not ask very honoured gentleman the stick; I promise, I it yet will not make!

Five points to Gryffindor to the first person who figures out what this said before little translation elves had their ways with my prose!

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Now you can buy a book of the best entries from "The Spanking Writers".