Edith Durham was a pioneering travel writer, and her account of her journey through High Albania – documented in 1909 – is quite fascinating. All those descriptions of villages, interesting sites, the cuisine, churches, discussions with the locals, local culture… Actually, I skipped straight to chapter seven.
Blood feuds, they said, were almost all the fault of women. Women were very wicked (here the Padre agreed).
Sometimes they were very disobedient, and you had to beat them a great deal. A man must order his wife three times before he may beat her, and then if, for example, she still refuses to go and fetch water, what can he do but beat her? I suggested that, perhaps, she was tired and the water-barrel was heavy. “Oh no,” was the reply, “they are quite used to it.” Also, if a man tells his wife not to answer him, and she does, he must beat her, or she would go on talking. Of course, only a woman’s father or husband may beat her.
They told her a cautionary tale, that tops might want to note should they ever need an excuse to discipline their partners:
Near Ipek there has been a feud for thirty years about a woman who refused to marry the man to whom her parents had betrothed her. Peace was only made two years ago, and blood-gelt paid after twenty-two men had been shot. All because she was disobedient. That is why women should be beaten.
Yikes…!
This post prompted a random thought: Vanilla folk decided a few decades ago to alter the words of the marriage vow, but do kinky girls still say they will “love, honour and obey” on their wedding day?? If the example you cite is any indication, the original vow might avoid a lot of trouble….
A few kinky girls of my acquaintance chose to promise to “obey”, actually. Even so, I don’t know whether they would fit in in old Albania
I went to school with Albanians and Kosovars (both J and I did), and J visited them in both Albania and Kosovo later, so –
It is true, this is the attitude, and it ain’t funny at all when it’s the reality. For instance, our Albanian buddies did not hesitate to tell us that a woman is “a sack for carrying children” – I kid you not.
Here is a joke about Albanian men they told us as well:
A plane is crashing. One woman gets up, takes off her shirt, and announces: “We are all going to die. Is there a man here who will make me feel like a woman for the last time?” An Albanian man gets up and says “Wash my shirt!”
The feuds are very true. When J visited Kosovo, his college buddy (who by the way tried hard to get him laid after I left college, which J had no interest in) said that feuds are very much the reality of the present day. As to the beatings? Well, one can only ponder…
Take it from us as a Cosmopolitan couple.
I didn’t have obey in my vows, but I don’t remember what I said – I repeated after the priest whatever he told me. That’s the second time we got married. The first time, in the basement of Chicago courthouse, I got to say “I do.” You know, sometimes you need to get married twice in a row for extra durability.
A fellow twisted individual. Can we do a link exchange
As a (reasonably) newly married kinkster, I can proudly say that I promised to ‘obey’ my husband (and Dom!) in our marriage service and lectured on the importnce of ‘bowing my head’ to my husband. We used the traditional King James Bible 1662 service. And boy did we have to fight the vicar to be allowed to use that service – as he thought it was a very anachronistic thing to promise! Of course, I couldn’t tell him *why* I wanted to promise that, so had to mumble something about tradition and liking it. Rather like the girls in Albania!
Still, he went to the Bishop of my diocese, who gave permission for that service to be used. Glad to know the higher echelons of the church take girls good behaviour seriously!
Say, Rapunzel, just trying to get something straight – are you by any chance married to the person posting as Richard F? Just trying to get who is who…
Our wedding ceremony was in Ukrainian*
I can therefore say with absolute confidence that she vowed to obey me at all times, submit to my every whim, and to accept the consequences of any misbehaviour (no matter how painful for her).
* I don’t speak a word of the language. But I’m sure that’s what the nice official lady was making her say.
It was a bit of a shock to be reminded this morning that apparently I vowed “to love, honour and obey” way back when. I hadn’t really given it a thought, until I released the kinky person inside me and read a post about Albania! Interesting too that Haron didn’t include herself in that cetegory of kinky girls that promised to obey, accept consequences kadda kadda. Did you happen to get a translation Abel??
Just put on my glasses. Sorry about mistakes. Replace the e for an a category, and a y for the k in yadda, and the above might make more sense.
Abel – and then the Mendelssohn’s march played… How romantic… She said something like “Dear Comrades…”
Amber: I liked the joke. The ‘shirt’ thing is a very significant symbol. It comes up all the time. I was ironing away recently and my son wondered aloud about life after leaving home. “C will help you”, I said of his girlfriend. “No way Mum”, said he. “Girls won’t do that stuff any more.” I felt about 106, and today, rather Albanian!!
ooh – I actually know a bit about this! I even wrote a story a while back set in Albania inspired by similar musings.
The feuds stem from a 15th century set of rules called the Kanun of Lek Dukagjini. It’s this incredible code (all the more incredible given the extent to which it remains relevant in some areas) covering social mores, gender roles, family etc. I used to have a (photo)copy somewhere but obviously have no idea where it is now I want to quote it… If anyone can lay their hands on a copy it is fascinating reading though, both for perv purposes and in general.
Rob, your son is right – girls don’t do this kind of things anymore. Amber hasn’t held an iron in her hand for at least several years. Just run them through the drier, and they are good to go.
Oh my, oh my, this is BALKANS, people! (Sorry about a non-kinky entry) – 500 years of the Turkish yoke, many years of the Communist rule, and the ethnic diversity (look, you’ve got Muslims, Catholics, Orthodox, Turks, and Gypsies on top of each other) made for a special fiery mix. My husband and I had a pleasure of attending a school made up precisely of that mix, and study history right where history happened. The gay (as in “merry”) Bulgarians, the lash-tongued Yugoslavians, the sultry Romanian beauties, the hardworking Belorussians, the confused Central Asian freshmen, hot and rare American spankos-to-be… I kind of miss it – much less passion between Norwegian Lutherans and Catholic Germans… except when the Irish come around…
As someone who claims to be a bottom rather than a sub, when I get married, I plan on promising to DISOBEY frequently. *grin*
Oh dear Amber, the drycleaning/laundry industry people will be after you with those radical ideas! Have you any idea of the money spent to keep corporate America looking crisp and business-like? LOL
Oh Amber, I’m so with you about ironing! I don’t even own an iron… if it doesn’t look fine after going through the dryer, I don’t want it. This could explain why my work clothes consist almost exclusively of black pants
No iron in the house Claudine? I don’t even want to think about all the late parades my son would have to endure if he lived in your household! Army/Cadet people are very attached to irons. They WORSHIP ironed collars and pleated pants.
I’m with Megs on this one. The idea of obeying somehow doesn’t really appeal. I say “yes, dear” – and do what I want
(And, being an honest girl, I never promised to obey, either LOL)
I totally agree with you Haron. I’ve been saying “Yes, dear” for an eternity, but I do that to stop the conversation dead, and then get back to doing things how I want to do them. (The guys are bored by this post now aren’t they – I mean they wouldn’t actually be reading this??)
Well, my husband works in a place that is rather informal so it’s not an issue, my father in law is a millionaire and no one irons his shirts either. As to myself, when it comes to school uniform, I prefer a knit polo shirt :). (D/s aside, I say, if he wants an ironed shirt, let him iron his own damn shirt, which he does).
I know this will contradict my free thoughts on ironing as a political symbol, but I find obeying way hot. A collar is a coveted accessory at the moment.
Amber,
No!
I am SO not married to the nice gentleman who posts as Richard Farthingdale. However, we are the best of freinds in real life…
My husband is a much more mysterious character…
No wonder you don’t iron anything Amber, tied up as you are with other pursuits! (Oh well, I made myself laugh!!!)
It’s true, I am building up a perv’s collection as a recently de-closeted kinkster
I mean, cheaper than a marriage counselor, I say.
But I’ll tell you the truth, I haven’t held iron in my hand for at least two years and I’ve been writing a blog and obtaining kinky stuff for only 2 months. So…
There is no way I’d even consider getting married unless it was to someone I could whole heartedly promise to obey, and heaven help anybody who said I couldn’t use the word in my vows!
We are up to 29 comments about (or sort of about) Albania and blood feuds that stem from women who disobey. Come on guys, just a few more irrelevant (I mean, on topic) comments, and we can make Abel’s day with a record number!(Speaking of no rhyme or reason, Abel, did you ever guess this post would generate so much interest??)
Sarah: As I’ve said before, the guy who gets you down the aisle should consider himself very lucky!! It makes girls like Haron and myself sound very naughty indeed (sorry Haron, but it’s true!!)
Guess who wields the “delete comment” axe, Rob. *makes a scary face*.
I found that no matter how hard I try to obey, I do something wrong to earn a spanking (or, shall I say, something right
). So, I may as well surrender to the pleasure of obeying rather than disobeying for strategical purposes.
Haron: What?? (giggle giggle) OK. OK. Take 2.
Abel: After careful consideration (and some blackmail) I am of the heartfelt opinion that Haron is a hardworking, loyal, very “good little girl” who deserves to be taken out to the restaurant of her choice this weekend, sweet-talked and returned home for the spanking of her choice, and/or other related past-times (or not) as per her whim.
Does Ms. Deleter approve??? (Geeesh, the responsibilites of a blogger!!!! LOL)
I have deleting rights too, you know… Were I not away this weekend, I might just be tempted to do the opposite of what you suggest, Rob, to teach you not to post cheeky comments…
Abel: Huh?? What is the opposite of what I suggest?? And how would it teach me not to post cheeky comments? I’ve been drinking lots of wine at a girly night so maybe I’m just a little out of it – are you saying I’ve been cheeky?? NEVER!!!!
He means that he’s going to mistreat me to teach you a lesson. 😉
He would do that?? He’s right! That WOULD teach me a lesson. I feel like the lowest of the low – what was I thinking? How tactless, insensitive and unthinking of me!! If I promise to be good, Abel, will you promise NOT to mistreat Haron. Talk about pushing my buttons……
Perhaps I should give Rob a lesson that she won’t forget for a while!!!let’s say for 4 days! Rob’s other half.
Gosh, mean tops…
Hello, Rob’s other half. Good to see you here. If you do so, do tell us about it.
I mean, none of us would like to think of Rob getting whacked. Really. We wouldn’t.
(Evil grin).
Abel: “If you do so, do tell us about it.” This may only mean something to Aussies, but we had a hit movie called ‘The Castle’, and when something was so NOT going to happen, the father said, “Tell them they’re dreaming!”. With that in mind, “keep dreaming!”