As always happens, I was researching an unrelated, innocent subject – when I came across this cluster of American spanking jokes on Project Gutenberg:
1.
The little boy dashed wildly around the corner, and collided with the benevolent old gentleman, who inquired the cause of such haste.
“I gotta git home fer maw to spank me,” the boy panted.
“Bless my soul!” exclaimed the old gentleman, “I can’t understand your being in such a hurry to be spanked.”
“I ain’t. But if I don’t git there ‘fore paw, he’ll gimme the lickin’.”
2.
The little lad sat on the curb howling lustily. A passer-by halted to ask what was the matter. The boy explained between howls that his father had given him a licking. The sympathizer attempted consolation:
“But you must be a little man, and not cry about it. All fathers have to punish their children sometimes.”
The lad ceased howling long enough to snort contemptuously, and to explain:
“Huh! my paw ain’t like other boys’ paws. He plays the bass drum in the band!”
That last one actually touches on the question I often wonder about. Would a drummer make a particularly fierce disciplinarian?
I already know that golfers and badminton players have a superb aim and a scary swing. Drummers though, hmm.
Good question Haron, but I must say I doubt that all drummers make good spankers. If the guy doesn’t have the brains to take you to headspace, no chance. He can be the best carpet beater in the world even! hehe
I used to do some drumming, although the bass drum I used had a foot pedal (indie band as opposed to marching band!)
You don’t actually need to hit a drum too hard, and even less so a cymbal as the edge can splinter a stick – I found that out a few times. Plus the skins are taut, particularly on the snare drum. Obviously you need a sense of rhythm, a good grip, and some agility. Don’t forget, with the tom-toms in most drum kits, which are the ones the drummers appear to be hitting hard, you would be hitting them from a sedentary position, whilst your feet are working a bass drum and high hat, and those drums are at waste level or slightly higher.
From my tedious description above, you might be able to gather that drumming isn’t so fierce as it looks, but if you wanted a rhythmic beating applied with a supple wrist, see a drummer.
The mind does boggle though, if you took a bass drum foot pedal, and turned it into a contraption that could be used to apply a cane to a presented bottom; if Abel were to pick up an injury…..
Kayley – in real life, you are absolutely right that intelligence comes first. But that doesn’t stop my darling wife from ogling assorted sportsmen on TV wondering whether their ability with, say, a cricket bat, would convert to more practical uses. At that level, their brains have nothing to do with it.
Gerrard – Hitting taut skin too hard, splintering the stick… Spanking contraptions made from foot pedals. Mmmm! (Nice comment!)
Reminds me of hanging out with some friends just after we graduated from college. We were watching two of the guys in the group playing squash. Out of nowhere the best-looking girl in the group commented on her boyfriends’s squash stroke by saying, “Just look at how hard he swings the racquet. Reminds me of when he spanks me.”