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I didn’t misbehave on the trip to Wales. Well, not much, and certainly not enough to be punished for it.*
I did, however, learn a bit of Welsh from bi-lingual signs. Specifically, now I know that Welsh for “microwave” is “popty ping”.
I did giggle at first when I read that, but then I had an attack of linguistic geekery. Our Welsh hostess explained that “popty” means “oven”, so evidently, when the time came to make up a word for an oven that goes ping, it was conveniently named “oven ping”. Genius.
Imagine, then, making up your own language, and having to name spanking implements. I have several suggestions.
Cane: stick-crack.
Switch: branch-swish.
Paddle: small-oar-crack.
Hairbrush: just hairbrush, duh.
This would work, I think.
Any other suggestions?
——————————-
* Seven vodka-lime-and-lemons? What about that?
littlenic
April 14th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Surely *hairbrush ouch*, no?
I thought your behaviour was impeccable. Apart from the slight tipsiness. Which I think, admittedly, we all shared
(Was it seven? Really? Blimey. I’m more alcohol-tolerant than I thought!)
Abel
April 14th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I think one should stick with the Welsh school of onomatopoeic naming, but expand it to include the reaction:
Cane: “she’s up for six of the crack-owwwwwww”
Switch: “her uncle sent her to the yard to cut a swish-oh-my-goddddddddddd”
Paddle: “she was sent to the principal for four with the the thud-burning-sweet-lord-forgive-me”
Megs
April 14th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
I’ve never understood why people say canes “crack?” The cane is the quietest implement we own… maybe I’m not getting hit hard enough?
Evie
April 14th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Probably not somthing to point out, Megs!
Mike Ward
April 14th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
This posting has me pondering a gap in my knowledge. Some kind person might be able to fill it.
If canes are to England, tawses to Scotland, and straps to Ireland; what is to Wales?
Perhaps Haron did some research on her travels.
By the way; is vodka-lime-and-lemon meant to be the offence or the punishment?
littlenic
April 14th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Mike:
“If canes are to England, tawses to Scotland, and straps to Ireland; what is to Wales?”
I reckon the answer’s crabs. Pinchy little blighters, they were (we went crabbing – I presume that’s the equivalent to fishing!).
And vodka lime and lemonade is a wonderful beverage!
Rapunzel
April 14th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Speaking as a Welsh person, I think the Welsh national implement is a bloody big leather belt with a decorative buckle.
Or, depending on how drunk you are, a fist. We Welsh do not do subtlety!
God, did we really drink seven each? Not counting the punch? We must have raised Welsh GDP by at least £1 per head!
Evie
April 14th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
I’m impressed with all of your drinking skills… last time I drank that much I a proposed to a portuguese bar man. Mind you I *really* can’t hold my drink. Ah well, practise makes perfect.
catherine
April 14th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
Megs: oh yes, canes can crack. And splinter. And then shatter, leaving shards all over the room.
Can’t they, Abel?
Martha
April 14th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Actually there were 5 rounds – but 2 were doubles! That’s just a technicality though, right? And then we went home and moved onto Rapunzel’s lethal student punch (not of the Welsh implement variety, I should add!) so it was just a quiet night really
Actually, on that note, I do think Wales should adopt a national implement – as Mike points out, it’s a classic element of cultural identity!
As for the names, surely spanko rhyming slang dictates that a cane could now be named a “stickity sting”?
Abel
April 15th, 2008 at 12:06 am
Welsh implements? “Go and pick a bunch of daffodils from the garden immediately, Myfanwy, and make sure they’re not too thin.”
Littlenic – I do love the fact you all went fishing for nipple clamps, but got too scared and released them back into the sea.
A double is a double, Martha. That means two measures. That means seven measures. Hold on, are you confessing that you *all* had seven? I am shocked.
And yes, Catherine: I do seem to be plagued with canes that aren’t quite up to the job. They just seem to keep breaking them when I use them. (Comments about bad workmen and tools not welcome, before you all think it!)
blue fairy
April 15th, 2008 at 8:22 am
i would like to point out that i didn’t have *any* vodka-lemon-limes – not least because i’d sooner drink lighter fluid than anything with lemonade in it…and i’ve always been slightly wary of drinking anything with a green tinge…
as for a welsh national implement – how about a wooden love spoon? you can get some huge ones in my local gift shop
.
littlenic
April 15th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Abel… I think the suggestion re the nipple clamps came after we’d finished and let the little blighters scuttle back into the briny, otherwise you know for sure I, of all the girls, would have hung on to a crab or two for, er, posterity
Although maybe I should just borrow a certain feline for that…
lictor
April 24th, 2008 at 12:36 am
You might consider the gwialen fedw as a national implement…I had a teacher in the 60′s who could remember its use on her as a schoolgirl in North Wales.
Also you might enjoy investigating the “Welsh Not”.
Gwialen fedw …birch rod, by the way.
Regards
Lictor