The Park Plaza perverts

We spent a night recently – before setting out on our Viennese trip – in the lovely Park Plaza hotel, near County Hall in London. Great location, great suite, shame they can’t mix a decent cocktail.

My inner trainspotter (very inner!) was delighted to find our room had a marvellous view over Waterloo station: our own private train set to watch from on high through floor-to-ceiling windows.

My not-all-inner trainspotter was equally delighted. Haron and Cath were called into the station master’s office. He scolded them for being caught without tickets, pointed out all of the decent, honest folks down on the platforms below who’d doubtless paid their fares.

Stripped, the girls were made to bend forward with their hands on the windows. Told to watch the station as they took their punishment. Six strokes each with the cane followed, with much squealing (especially, it must be said, from Haron).

And then I took up my trusty Lochgelly: “The caning was for the return journey to Waterloo, on which you were caught. Yet you can’t have had tickets for the outward journey either.” Six each with the tawse followed. Much squealing again. From them both, this time.

They looked sorry for themselves, it must be said. Even sorrier when I asked, “And which of you had the idea to evade your fares this morning?” Cath, bravely, owned up: six more of the XH seared home. And then we could cuddle.

Now, there’s an interesting footnote to the scene, for I had to leave the girls in the room shortly afterwards to catch a train from the station down below. As I wandered along the platform, I noticed that the darkened glass in the windows didn’t seem quite so darkened as we’d maybe imagined. I texted Haron: “I’m on the platform. Come to the window and wave.”

Two cheerful young ladies appeared moments later: stark naked, waving enthusiastically. Clearly visible to anyone looking up. As indeed they must have been whilst being thrashed a half hour or so ealier. I am so glad to have offered such a salutary lesson in the penalties for fare dodging not only to my two girls, but to that morning’s entire customer base of South West Trains.