Alighting from the Victoria Line at Green Park recently, it struck me that the Queen must be a forgetful old dear. After all, the announcer greets each train with, “Change here for Buckingham Palace,” presumably in case Her Majesty (a) happens to be on board, and (b) can’t remember the way home.

Helpful tube announcements could extend to other stations, now I think of it.

Take that little-known stop on the Metropolitan Line: Correctional Institute Station. “Alight here for the Royal Disciplinary Service”, the tannoy proclaims. Passengers peer curiously from the windows at the scared girls who disembark, heading towards their punishments – to be replaced in the carriages by the latest batch of freshly-flogged young ladies who, tears in their eyes, refuse kind offers of a seat.