We were driving around listening to the BBC radio, and an item came up about shop owners using “alternative measures” to confront petty thieves.

“Rather than call the police…” the journalist began.

“They spank them!” Abel and I finished in unison.

Well, no. Actually, they send in debt collectors instead. Which, legally, is pretty dubious. Suggesting a consensual spanking instead would be a much cleaner solution, we feel. If we’re discussing alternative methods, and everything.