I was party to an interesting debate on Twitter at the start of this week, discussing different methods of communication between kinky friends. I thought it worthy of a brief follow-up here, as I’m curious to hear the perspectives of those who were, at the time, either (a) asleep or (b) concentrating diligently on their work!
I’m of an age where the telephone and (usually hand-written) letters were the only practical communication options as I matured into adulthood. Email first entered my life at work in ’86, and was around when I went to University later that year – but it really was pretty primitive. It wasn’t until the mid-90s that the soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup introduced me to the concept of more ‘social’ interaction – where one could engage with a much wider group.
These days, we’re faced with a plethora of options. Here’s what works – and what doesn’t – for me personally when I need to communicate in writing over a distance:
- Email: still my communication method of choice – especially for anything involving planning, longer exploration of ideas / scene issues, or anything less urgent – as well as for chatting to folks whom I may not (yet?) know that well.
- Text or Twitter DM: for more immediate 1:1 thoughts, hugs, ideas, questions. I use the two mechanisms pretty much interchangeably, doubtless sometimes to the confusion of those on the receiving end, based purely on phone tariffs wherever I may be!
- Twitter (@AbelJenkins): for immediate stuff I want to share – things that have caught my eye or that might raise a smile; kinky thoughts which might appeal to a wider group; generally keeping in touch with my real-life and closer online friends. It’s like a friendly local pub: one can call in whenever one likes and chat with lovely people, but propping up the bar permanently isn’t actually necessary!
- Blogging: well, if you’re reading this, you probably already know… Longer musings on spanking-related topics that interest me and which might interest others.
You’ll notice the absence of some media from the above. Facebook? I’m listed (as much to stop anyone else grabbing my name as anything), but don’t use it. I’d not want to connect using “Abel” with friends’ vanilla FB accounts, and don’t need to stalk their ‘real’ lives anyway; few of my close friends have kinky FB accounts; I don’t (by design) have enough non-kinky friends to merit my own vanilla FB page. And more to the point, I don’t, frankly, need another form of communication to keep in touch and to update.
Fetlife? Informed Consent? Again, I’m listed – but pretty much inactive. I guess I would use them more were I actively hunting for new play partners – but I’m more than happy with the friends I have and the others I’m lucky enough to make from time-to-time via the methods above (and through meeting friends of various friends in person).
I sense from the recent debate on Twitter that this may all be reflective of my age, however, and also of my relative lack of non-kinky friends or family. Younger folks, I’m told, have migrated from email almost entirely towards Facebook; I’ve also debated in the past how there’s much less interaction between members of our friendship circle via blog comments here than there was pre-Twitter.
But I’m curious to understand the wider picture: what works best for others, why, and how do you see this evolving over time? Despite never being at the bleeding edge of technology, I tend not to lag *too* far behind, and it’s fascinating to see how the world’s evolving. Who knows: I may just be missing a trick!
Just FYI, you can’t hold a name on facebook, there are millions of people with the same names. In fact there was a quite hot young Abel Jenkins wearing a hat when I first searched just now!
The only people I email are the boyf, Jessica, and other people from that section of my kinky friends. My peers don’t tend to use it, especially my non kinky peers. In fact I don’t know what my best freind’s email address is.
I think most of the communication one uses is influenced by what your friends use. My most frequent is BBM because all of my best friends, and the boyf, have blackberries.
Glad you found a hot young Abel Jenkins as opposed to this unnattractive old one… Certainly you’re right about the lack of a unique name: I phrased the post a bit badly there – I simply wanted anyone searching for my name in the context of spanking there to find me, not an impostor!
BBM is an interesting one. It strikes me as something of a proprietary equivalent, in terms of how it’d be used, to DM or texting. It actually infuriates me that you can’t delete it as an app from the Blackberry, given most of my friends are iPhone afficionados!
I think you’re right that people follow their crowd in terms of technology; not everyone can lead. A significant number of our mutual friends who are all active Twitter users were all persuaded to use it by one person, for example, and thank goodness for that.
I think my communication preferences mirrior yours almost exactly, however, when I asked my kids what they use, facebook was the winner by miles. they use email to reach lecturers and other old folk but all social comms appear to be via facebook or text.
Hmm…where do I begin…I have several email accounts that are the result of a need to be creative or are for different groups of people from different areas of life..for example I have an email that is my Renaissance persona. I have several myspace accounts but rarely, if ever, use them anymore. I also have a fetlife which I log on to every couple weeks. Facebook is another that I have but only for vanilla reasons as my 12 1/2 year old daughter and her friends have me as a friend on there. I have a twitter but can’t remember the information to log on anymore. LOL. Not to mention a few role play sites that I have accounts on.
@Sarah – that’s really interesting about Facebook; there certainly does seem to be a trend there. But then I guess some of it’s determined by one’s social circle – and, by and large, although I have scene friends college age up, they’re not the core of my friendship group.
@Lily Ann – I can understand wanting to be on Facebook to see what your daughter’s up to!! We should link on Fetlife
And if that Renaissance persona and your spanking interests should blend – OMG that sounds like the basis for hot ideas…!
@Abel – I have to agree, a blend between my Renaissance persona who happens to be trained in the art of sword fighting, and my spanking interests does indeed sound like the basis for hot ideas. My Fetlife name is lilyann78.
Hold on – spanking a girl who’s into sword fighting could prove dangerous… But if she was careless with her swords in practice, say, or lacked gallantry in their use, and was dressed in Renaissance costume… Wow!