The lass opposite me – sat reading a school textbook – has just come off her mobile. Her conversation went pretty much like this: “Hi, it’s Belinda Green* here: I had a letter asking me to call you… Yes, I was wondering about next Tuesday?… Thursday morning?… Four that afternoon? Yes, I suppose that will be OK… I’ll see you then. Thank you.”
I assume she was booking an appointment with her doctor, dentist or some such. But naturally, I pictured the other side of the conversation rather differently. “Oxfordshire Punishment Centre, how may I help you?… Ah yes, about your birching… No, we already have ten girls to punish on Tuesday… No, I’m sorry, we’re closed on Thursday morning: our fresh birches are only delivered at midday that day. Four in the afternoon?… Right, that’s fixed: forty strokes from Officer Jenkins, 4pm next Thursday. Make sure you’re not late…”
* LOL name obviously changed to protect the innocent