As one would expect, for all its shortcomings, “Fifty Shades…” is inspiring some of its readers to explore their inner kinky desires. One such wrote to the Times’s “sex counsellor”, Suzi Godson, on Saturday:
“I’ve recently read an amazing book that has left me fantasising about bondage and domination. In fact, I’ve never felt this sexy — could be my age (I’m 40)? My husband says he’s not interested in being more adventurous in bed and I don’t want to risk harming my marriage by looking for sex elsewhere. How can we all be satisfied?”
Her reply appalled me – to the extent of posting for a second time in a day here. Far from being supportive of someone coming to terms with their sexual desires, Godson let loose a full-blown attack
“there is just a teensy weensy difference between privately indulging in BDSM fantasy on your Kindle and having stranger sex in handcuffs in a damp basement flat near Paddington station”
Hold on: where did the woman seeking advice talk about playing with strangers? And why is BDSM something that takes place in seedy surroundings?
She continued:
“…in reality (I’ve looked on your behalf), fetish-dating websites are a feast of poor punctuation and unpromising guarantees such as “I won’t never hurt you too much”.
I’m sure we’d all agree that some of our fellow kinksters are less eloquent than others – but all of us? (And, again, why would embracing BDSM require the happily-married writer to go to dating sites?)
And it gets worse:
“It would certainly be easier to blame middle age, or a hormonal imbalance, but your appetite for kinky sex is nothing more complicated than a politically incorrect response to a dirty book.”
Right. So being kinky is ‘politically incorrect’. And there’s a need for “blame”? At that point, I’m afraid I started to get angry. This stuff would be bad enough from any vanilla – but from someone who’s supposed to be offering helpful advice on sexual matters, to people (by dint of writing for support) are presumably feeling a tad confused and vulnerable.
Strange, the prejudice we encounter from those whose sexual preferences are different to our own…
That is so sad. Think of all the people that read that and then feel ashamed.
What I find intriguing, beyond the sense of outrage that someone in a counselling position should be so crassly insensitive, is what prompts her hostility.
Based on the theory that what we hate in others is that part of ourselves which we dislike, I have to wonder what Fifty Shades provoked in her ? Curiouser and curiouser !
I’ve always regarded so-called ‘political correctness’ as superficial adherence to what someone somewhere has decided on our behalf to be the ‘proper’ ways to speak and behave.
It’s interesting that in Godsonworld it seems all right to fantasise about kink, but politically incorrect to contemplate putting it into practice.
I would laugh at this – and what it might suggest about her own fantasies – if it were not for a more serious observation:
I assume that nowadays it would, for example, be deemed ‘politically incorrect’ to hurl abuse at gays, because homosexuality is recognised in law and accepted by the majority of society.
However – if Godsonworld is representative – it would seem to be politically incorrect just to *be* kinky, thus having to tolerate all the shit that flies in this direction.
Is the kink community supposed to sit patiently until someone writes a new chapter of political correctness to include kink, or should kinksters just go ahead and be as politically incorrect as possible and be proud of it?
fB – I agree: a sex columnist should be making people feel good about their (safe, consensual) sexuality – not putting them down.
Nic – interesting theory!!
Steve – actually, I think we win the argument by being rational and calm, and encouraging a shift in opinion about those with kinky proclivities. I see parallels (although there are differences) with the way the LBGT community has moved opinion towards greater understanding in recent years (even though they clearly still face degrees of prejudice).
That’s outrageous! Truly terrible, unreasonable, unreasoned advice. ARRGH.
This calls to mind a current ad on U.S. TV that features a Librarian ? speaking to a user.She tells him that he has way too many late books, and goes on to say that someone should teach him to return books on time. She is very attractive and implies that she is just the person to teach him that lesson. The manner of teaching the lesson is not referenced, but we can guess.
George