DD revisited

I’ve long said that “domestic discipline” isn’t really my thing – that, whilst spontaneous whackings for occasional misbehaviour can work wonderfully, anything ongoing based on more formal, comprehensive and systemic rules and accompanying punishments doesn’t quite work for me.

The “making a girl feel worse so that she feels better” absolution for real-life transgressions isn’t really my thing when it comes to helping someone keep on track with things that matter to them. I prefer to offer support (moral and practical) in ways other than the threat of painful enforcement – and accompanying disappointment – should rules be breached.

Yet the last time I wrote about it, I confessed that I was wavering somewhat. And I was challenged on the topic again the other day by a friend. The essence of their argument: is it *really* not my thing, or do I just say that because it hasn’t featured in my relationships in recent years? Am I merely hiding behind a façade of “not interested” as a self-defence mechanism, dodging a different perspective: “I’d find it hot – but I wasn’t very good at it when I did try, and no-one actually wants that sort of arrangement with me anyway”?

It’s certainly something that, to my surprise, I’ve found myself fantasising about more and more: to have that deep-seated mutual trust whereby someone puts themselves in my hands (emotionally and physically) to help re-enforce one or more aspects of their real life behaviour. To have the self-confidence to be authoritative enough to administer the punishments, harshly if needed, yet in a caring and supportive context. To beat someone (consenting) for real, for their good, not for their ultimate pleasure or in role. To know she’s as upset at having let herself (and hence me) down as she is scared of the beating to come. To see the fear in her eyes – before and during her punishment. To hold her afterwards when it’s over, and reassure her that she’s a good girl. To believe that it would help her to be happier overall.

Now I’d always assumed that if I were to administer DD, it would have to be within a loving relationship. And that dynamic simply isn’t there with the girl I love, who in any case already has a disciplinary relationship: there’d be no real room for a second ‘enforcer’, even if either of us wanted that – which we decidedly don’t.

But I’m not now sure I think that it’s necessarily true that it wouldn’t work with someone less close. All-encompassing DD, with a wide set of rules and deferred consequences, is perhaps too intimate for me to want to do with someone who wasn’t my primary partner. (That’s a personal preference, by the way, not meaning to judge others who see it differently).

But a student needing someone to monitor her work and her grades, for example? That could be rather hot. And there are other scenarios that might work too. It’s all theoretical, frankly: it’s not going to feature in my life any time soon or ever. But I’m surprised by my reaction to the challenging question, and somewhat intrigued. And it’s always fun to let one’s mind wander…