The other day there was a knock on the door from a delivery driver, asking whether I’d mind signing for an Amazon box for the young couple who live opposite. Not a problem, of course.
I couldn’t help but snigger, though. See, it’s rare that a shipment arrives for me from Amazon without at least one naughty item inside – a book, perhaps, or a more interesting and practical accessory of some description. So to my sub-conscious, Amazon deliveries equal kinky fun.
As a result, I couldn’t help but wonder what my neighbours had purchased, and what the ever-so-cute lass in the couple would end up having done to her as a result of their new items. Excerpts read to her from a book about spanking, and then re-enacted? A new implement put to good and painful use as she bent over their bed? A vibrator, even, perhaps used as she was tied to the bed begging for… For what? For him to stop tormenting her? For permission to orgasm? For him to put down the toy and fuck her?
I managed to keep a straight face when I wandered over later to give them the parcel, shortly after they’d returned from work. That the husband of the couple came to the door in a bathrobe – and clearly headed straight back upstairs with it once he’d taken it from me – did little to quell my pervy thoughts!
There’s got a be a kinky part in everything. Almost everything..
“a practical accessory of some description”: that’s a wonderful if unusual way of naming implements!
What if Amazon got two parcels mixed up?
I once wanted a particular US import CD, (being me, loud and noisy), and the only way I could locate it was to order from Amazon.com (i.e. the US outlet).
About a week later, a package from Amazon arrived via airmail. However, when I opened it, the package contained the soundtrack to some bloody stage production starring Anthony Newley. The invoice in the package was addressed to a couple in Ohio, or somewhere.
Amazon clearly got two parcels mixed up!
(I have visions of an old man and lady in the US trying to head-bang to my CD.)
Can you see where my mind is leading here?
“What’s this wooden thing for, love? The kitchen or the garden?”
“This is a funny old book, isn’t it? All about how we got punished back at school. It goes into an awful lot of detail, doesn’t it?)