Whipped by Caesar’s guards‏

To the theatre to see the Donmar Warehouse’s acclaimed all-female Julius Caesar, set in a women’s prison.

Despite some fine acting, I found the evening a disappointment. The prison scenario was introduced, but scarcely credible and not sustained throughout. To fit into two hours, the play had been edited so savagely that opportunities to build empathy with the characters were lost. The insertion of contemporary language at times jarred – “f*king w*nkers”, for example, didn’t sit well within the brilliance of what, to me, is some of Shakespeare’s finest writing.

More to the point, I’d seen a truly magnificent Julius Caesar at Stratford a few months previously. Measured character-by-character, in staging, and in terms of creating an atmosphere of menace, the RSC’s production – set in Africa – won hands down by a very clear margin on every count.

The programme notes from the Donmar sparked my kinky imagination, though. It described life in Caesar’s Rome – something of an austere police state, it seems – quoting Suetonius:

“He imposed a tariff on foreign manufactures and forbade the use, except on stated occasions, of litters, and the wearing of scarlet robes or pearls by those below a certain rank and age. To implement his laws against luxury he placed inspectors in different parts of the market to seize the delicacies offered for sale in violation of his orders; sometimes he even sent lictors and guards into dining-rooms to remove the illegal dishes, already served, which his watchmen had failed to intercept.”

Who else can see the scene potential in this? The daughters of some noblemen, exploring the market. Happy, giggling, delighted to find a vendor selling some rarely-found treat. The guards challenging them as others looked on; searching them forcefully in public; finding the banned products.

Taking them away, and strip-searching them thoroughly lest they had other prohibited goods. Ignoring their protests: “Our fathers are senators: you can’t do this to us!” “Would your fathers like to tell Caesar that they consider their families to be above his laws?”

And then the officials would tie them with their arms stretched above their heads, and would lash them on behalf of the Emperor… Actually, it’s a rare scenario for me where flogging girls on the back would seem entirely appropriate and authentic.

See, it was worth the price of the ticket, just for that little idea – and the evening’s company was a delight, even if the performance disappointed.