The Albanian spanking fable

I posted recently about Edith Durham’s 1909 account of her travels in High Albania. She included a wonderful local fable, entitled “The Tale of the Man Who Could Understand Beasts and Birds.” It’s quite long, but I rather like the punchline.

A certain man was gifted with the power to understand the talk of beasts and birds. But on condition only that, should he ever tell that which he heard, he would drop down dead.

One day he overheard the donkey talking to the horse. The donkey’s remarks were very funny, and, as he came from the stable, he laughed.

“Why are you laughing?” asked his wife.

“At something the donkey said.”

“What did the donkey say?”

“You know I cannot tell you. I should drop down dead.”

But she was wicked, as all women are, and she only answered: “What did the donkey say?”

And all day and all night she gave him no peace, and he had neither sleep nor rest, for still she asked: “What did the donkey say?”

Worn out at last, he could bear no more: “To-morrow I will tell you,” he said. He called his little children and said good-bye to them, and told them he must die tomorrow. They cried bitterly and begged, “Oh, mother, do not kill our dear father!” But she answered only, “I want to know what the donkey said.”

So the poor man went out to take a last look at his yard, and there he saw the cock standing on tiptoe, flapping his wings and crowing as loud as he could.

“Oh, you wicked bird!” cried the dog, “How can you laugh and sing when our dear master, who is so kind to us, must die to-morrow?”

But the cock only crowed the more: “Laugh!” said he, “I shall die of laughing! Look at him – the silly fool! He has only one wife, and cannot manage her; while I have fifty, and keep them all in order!”

The man heard this. He picked up a large stick, and went back into the house. “Do you want to know what the donkey said?” he asked. “Yes,” said his wife. Then he gave her a good beating. “Do you want to know what the donkey said?” he asked. “Yes,” said she. So he beat her again. “Do you want to know what the donkey said?” “Yes,” said she.

So a third time he beat her till he was quite tired. “Do you still want to know what the donkey said?” “No,” said she, and they lived very happily ever afterwards.

LOL it’s the “he was quite tired” that makes it for me. Haron, c’m here and be spanked until I’m quite tired…