My darling wife wrote recently about her dislike of surprises in spanking scenes. The post and subsequent discussion left me pondering the age-old question of whether ’tis nobler to inform a girl of the number of strokes she’s to receive before starting to thrash her, or whether to leave the tally unstated.

The former feels far more authentic for some scenes: the judge condemning a young convict to receive thirty strokes of the birch on her admission to the Reformatory; the ship’s captain sentencing the stowaway girl to twenty lashes; the Headmaster solemnly informing the pupil standing before him that she would receive six of the best for her misbehaviour.

I rather enjoy creating the moment of nervous uncertainty (“so how many am I going to get?”), followed by that jaw-dropping moment of truth (“he can’t give me *that* many”). I like the idea of the girl knowing precisely how many strokes are to come (and more importantly, perhaps, how few – relative to the total – have already been administered). And there’s something in making the girl concentrate on the progress of the punishment – the count preventing her from switching off and losing herself, blanking out what’s happening to her.

But the latter? “I’m going to thrash you until you’re truly sorry”? “Whip her until she breaks”? “Oh no: I’ve hardly started”. Mmmm, I could rather enjoy those. But they’re best saved for somewhat different scenarios, methinks, authenticity being everything.