The Spanking Writers

Gerrard sent us this YouTube link, about the singer Carly Simon’s interesting cure for stage fright:

[youtube] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EftIUYNEtdA [/youtube]

I wish all the kinky celebrities were just as open about liking a bit of spanking. This would really save on the shocking newspaper exposes, wouldn’t it?..

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Our friend Catherine has recently shared with us her favourite spanking story, “Boot Camp” by D. Mox. After only a few paragraphs, I could see why it appealed to her, and I thought that more people deserved to know about it.

Set in a Boot Camp set up for a reality TV series, the story follows the adventures of recruit Emma Castille, who has to be one of the most memorable spanking story characters I’ve ever encountered. The plot and the dialogue drew me in, and the spanking scene was electric.

Here’s a taster for you. (And I’m posting this on Saturday morning, because the story is pretty long, and impossible to stop reading, so do avoid opening it when you’ve got work to do.)

His tone was hard and disapproving when he spoke, “Recruit Castille… I’d like to know if you regret slighting my character and inferring that I am stupid!”

Castille whimpered, “Oh, you really have no idea how much, Sir.”

His big hand cracked down on her unpunished cheeks and she yelped loudly in surprise and pain.

“That is not an acceptable answer, Castille!”

She groaned out, “I’m sorry, Sir. Yes, Sir. I am lousy with regret. Completely remorseful. I apologize deeply and offer amends to you and your family.”

McCafferty choked and tried not to laugh. God, the girl could not *keep* herself from being a smartass even when she was sincere! Tag and Schell turned their heads until they stopped chuckling. McCafferty’s voice was strident with his accent, “And what were you thinking today during that pathetic display, Recruit?”

She wished to God he would get on with it and stop torturing her, “I wasn’t, Sir.”

He growled, “Exactly! And it is totally unacceptable to me that a recruit of *mine* would act without thinking!”

He brought down his hand hard on the opposite cheek. A matching pink handprint flared up as the “Crack!” of his hand against her bottom rang in the room. She yelped loudly again.

“I want you to *state* why you are being punished, Castille.”

She squirmed with humiliation, they usually didn’t make recruits talk during punishment. She took a deep breath and murmured in her most official voice, “This recruit was insubordinate, aggressive, and insulting, Sir. This recruit deserves severe punishment for her unwarranted and inappropriate actions.”

He brought his large right hand down again, curling the fingers around her cheek with a loud “Smack!” and growled, “You bet your ass you do.” Then he started spanking her seriously.

I dare every one of the readers who are likely to be spanked some times soon to use the phrase “I’m lousy with regret, Sir/Ma’am”. After you do, please come ’round here and report the consequences!

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I’ve long treated psychometric tests with healthy disdain: it’s not so much that they’re inherently flawed, as that the people administering them in a work environment often don’t really seem to understand the tools that they’re using.

Now I find reason to be interested in them again. A recent post at The Headmaster’s Office blog wondered about the correlation between one’s profile in these tests and one’s tendencies in the kinky world. He and I share the same “Myers Briggs” profile (ENTJ), which made me wonder whether there was something in this. And I noticed that one of the questions in the test asks whether “You value justice higher than mercy”: kinky or wot?

So, in the interests of scientific analysis, I’m wondering – does your profile relate at all to your kinky preferences. It would be fascinating if all of the spankers here shared the same profile, and all of the spankees the opposite. The test’s here, and the most impressive site for interpreting the results, with a description of each profile type, is here – if you feel like playing, do share your results!

Hey, we could even end up nominated for this year’s Nobel Prize for Psychology for our work. (And yes, I know: that’s a very ENTJ statement).

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This hilarious news item has come to my attention via Fireman Chris:

An accidental push of a button Friday had students at Palm Bay High questioning what they’d done wrong and parents plotting punishments.

Parents of all 2,550 students in the school received an automated call Friday reminding them that their student had to report for Saturday morning detention. Problem was, the message only should have gone to 16 homes.

I can’t decide whether I’m mean enough that in my version of the story some students would actually have got into trouble for nothing, or whether it’s just the school secretary who has to submit to a paddling for her carelessness.

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Browsing a spanking personals site, searching for phrases that might trigger my kinky creativity, I giggled at one particular entry:

“Lad in need of the can”

Each to their own, of course, when it comes to fetishes. But I did wonder whether he has any particular type of can in mind - “it must be Heinz for the punishment to be authentic”? And picture the dread when the disciplinarian tells you that you’ve been especially naughty and are to be spanked with a full can, rather than one emptied of its contents…

I shouldn’t be mean. Anyone can make a typoh. And I just feel sorry for those young ladies commuting into London from Canning Town: should their tube trains be fitted with extra-soft cushions?

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We’ve had the pleasure of knowing Alex Birch online for a good while now, and have swapped dozens of interesting mails over the years. His ““A Taste of the Birch” is one of the most enjoyable blogs out there, with regular posts of spanking stories drawn from various sources.

Today he kindly featured one of my stories, “The School Alternative”, with some very flattering comments. If you’ve not read the story before, or seen Alex’s blog, you might enjoy clicking over to his site.

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Some Google searches that lead readers to our site are easy to understand. Take the following recent examples:

spanking stories
real life public spankings
reformatory canings
judicial corporal punishment
husband wife discipline spanking  (aka Haron’s been naughty again?!)
mason pearson spanking  (ooo, what good taste in hairbrushes!)
school uniform caned bare  (ah, so she’d have to strip first, right?)
birching
whipping bench
six of the best schoolgirl
girls tawsed on the bottom
enid blyton spanking  (!)
doctor who spanking tardis  (!!!) 

Almost every phrase could inspire lovely kinky reveries. But as for the following, shortly before Christmas?

girl whip bestiality or impale or horse or breast stories -gay –lesbian

We’re not sure whether to apologise to the enquirer – our site must have seemed very tame - or panic as to why their search term linked to us…

Should we have a contest - who can come up with the weirdest search term that gets Google to recommend our humble little spanking blog?

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I’ve been a little tardy of late in catching up with other sites I love, and so I nearly missed a truly marvellous post from November by our friend Natty, whose blog is always so wonderful. She starts:

A few months ago my best friend T. and I were talking about the process we each went through in discovering our core sexuality (homosexuality for him, spanking for me). At one point we began comparing when this exploration took place and he suddenly exclaimed, “oh wow — you came out the same time I did!”

I love this application of the concept of “coming out” to the path so many of us tread as spankos – brave steps, albeit often tinged with (perhaps irrational) terror. I’m not sure it’s a simple one-stage process, though: it has facets of evolution, not overnight revolution. So let me build on Natty’s idea and postulate my own theory of the five stages of ‘coming out’ as it applies to those of us “into” spanking:

Step 1 – coming out to oneself. This is what I like. There are other people like me. This is not unusual or sick. This is an important part of who I am.

Step 2 – coming out to the virtual kinky world: delurking online, perhaps via comments on blogs like this, a contribution to a spanking forum or (in my case) a post to the soc.sexuality.spanking newsgroup. (”Oh my goodness will the police arrive at my door within minutes? And what if someone I know reads this?”)

Step 3 – coming out into the real-life kinky world. Meeting another spanko in the flesh for the first time – possibly to chat, eventually to play. (Will they be safe, sane, ‘normal’? Will we get arrested, be on the front page of the newspapers?)

Step 4 – coming out to carefully selected real-life vanilla folks: sharing that one has kinky interests with a very few friends / relatives / colleagues. (Soliciting promises that “you won’t tell anyone, will you?” And finding that they are completely unfazed, yet often somewhat curious - and impressed at your self-awareness).

Step 5 – coming out to all and sundry. Reaching the point when frankly, my dear, you don’t give a damn who knows - and if they have a problem with it, it’s their problem.

I’m through levels one to four, but leaping to that fifth stage still remains a step too far for me – as it does for many, most of our kinky friends.

I wonder: where are you on the path? Did you work through the process in the same order? Where do you want to be on your “coming out” journey by the end of this year?

(And if you’re not yet at step 2, but are feeling bold enough at the start of this new year to embrace something so important to you, why not say comment or email to say “hi”?)

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I have just posted a new entry on the Punishment Book, it’s called “Helping your neighbours”.
It guest-stars our blog commentator and friend Sarah (though I hasten to add that she has managed to stay right-side up throughout these events).
Head on over there if you would like to commiserate with me.

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I’ve just stumble on a phrase that’s plain wrong.

“Cheerleader caned.”

There, I’ve made you wince too. Oh, the incongruity of those two words.

Cheerleaders are, have to be, American. As American as… as… (the thought that came to mind was ‘George Bush’, but that might upset some of you). As Thanksgiving, perhaps, as the Empire State Building..

And the cane as a punishment implement? As English as Buckingham Palace, Yorkshire pudding, as “long shadows on cricket grounds and warm beer”.

The two just don’t belong together. But, with an evil grin, I imagine a public schoolmaster taking up his appointment as head of a distinguished girls’ academy in the States. When questioned by the school governors about his radical new disciplinary plans, he’d explain, “If you’d like to show me where the School Regulations specify that one should use the paddle, I will happily convert, but in the meantime the cane has served me to great effect over the years.”

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