By the time you read this, I should be well and truly en route home to the UK. So, what else has been going on during my Singapore sojourn?

Well, for one thing, I have a New Favourite Drink. Cane juice (with ice and lemon). Seems kinda appropriate. That said, although it’s sugar cane, there’s something about the sight of a cane being fed inch-by-inch into a grinder that’s vaguely upsetting.

I’ve been past my New Favourite Shopping Mall. It’s called ‘The Malacca Centre’. (Didn’t bother going in: the name conjured up enough images of canes made from interesting wood, and I like the idea of girls being sent to report there).

There’s my New Favourite Hotel Maid. I’ve only just realised that the pile of canes I bought at the start of the week were left lying on the side where I unpacked them. The darling girl who was looking after my room said nothing. What a soul of discretion! LOL I did noticed that my room has being cleaned and tidied especially thoroughly, mind!

My New Favourite Rotan Fantasy concerns a daddy who canes with such gusto that the sometimes fragile rods inevitably break. His daughter is punished not with a set number of strokes, but a set number of sticks: a particularly serious offence may see her thrashed until three rotans are no more…

Finally, my New Favourite Punishable Offence is easy. The Singapore Sunday Times featured an article describing how girls are increasingly commissioning local tailors to make their uniforms. Cloth specialists increasingly ’stock uniform materials in more commonly used whites and blues’ for students who ‘dislike the patterns if official issues’.

I’m imagining the inevitable clamp-down: girls called to the school changing room a class at a time on the first day of term; made to strip to their underwear. The Principal walks from girl to girl; each is made to present the label of her uniform shirt, sweater and skirt. Any whose garments do not come from the official source are made to turn around and bend over placing their hands on the bench, feet apart. Their knickers are pulled down, baring their backsides. Two very sharp strokes of the cane follow for each rogue item.

They’re instructed to report back one week later, having had time to purchase new supplies from the proper source, with the threat of six strokes per item should they fail to comply. And more than a few young ladies might find themselves in a very uncomfortable position at home later whilst asking for more money, trying to explain why they disobeyed their parents and failed to go to the official stockist the first time around.

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